I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
