Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
