what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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