I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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