Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
