that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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