69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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