When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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