Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
