I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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