its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
