I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
