Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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