I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
