omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
