That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
