The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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