what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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