I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize