Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
