I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
