Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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