took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
