I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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