How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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