Me too!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
