We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
