There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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