Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
