Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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