The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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