I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
