i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize