piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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