are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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