lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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