you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
