She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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