my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
