Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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