I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
