THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
