apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
