imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the day after is always just damage control
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
