Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
