I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
