I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
