Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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