And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
