You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just invented taco cereal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
