I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
