Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
