I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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