She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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