the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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