I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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