mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize