okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize