need another drink. this is the easiest way
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
