glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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