I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize