If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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