I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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