My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Welp...herpes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize