Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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