hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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