I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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