i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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