this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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