I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
