Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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