I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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