Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish life had little blips of pornography
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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