There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize