Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
