The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
