I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
