Soap is not a condiment
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
