If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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