Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
