I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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